by Ashley Setterlind
I have made the transition from “pastor’s kid” to “pastor’s wife” in the same church I grew up in.
That tiny detail of not moving churches has been one of the most prominent experiences of my life thus far. It has come with its own sets of blessings and challenges, and I realize what a rare occurrence it actually is. For the sake of transparency in our ministry, my heart desires to share what this transition has been like for me.
So, let’s back up to when I finally came to terms with the fact that I was going to marry a future pastor. Having gone through that battle already (and losing it…), the Lord began to change my perspective and give me an excitement for a future of serving Him as a full-time job, not just a Christian duty. I was stoked to be a pastor’s wife, dreaming about the impact Jordan and I might have for the kingdom of God, and wondering where in the world He would take us. There was just one problem, and that was it…I never considered the fact that He wouldn’t take us away.
I’m basically the poster child for the small town girl who never fit in to the small town environment. I don’t like farms. I don’t like the “country”. I don’t like cowgirl boots, cow manure, or cows for that matter. I don’t like bluegrass music. I don’t like when the nearest movie theater in the town only has one screen. I don’t like it when everybody knows everything about everybody else.
Which is exactly what I grew up in.
Honestly though, my childhood was great. My parents loved me. I had a lot of friends. I got involved in a lot of extracurricular activities, and I had some pretty cool opportunities to flourish BECAUSE of my small town. But, I also always secretly felt like I was made for something more. Something bigger. Something a little more fast-paced. Something outside of Botetourt County, Virginia.
When I went to college, I had zero intentions of ever coming back to live in Botetourt. Like, Z-E-R-O. Just ask my parents. I had big aspirations, and I couldn’t wait to get out of “the bubble.” So much so that I kind of did a terrible job at maintaining high-school friendships (which I now regret). The truth is, I just never thought I’d be coming “home” to make it MY home. So I disconnected.
Do I really hate small towns SO much that I could just pick up and leave without a second thought? Ehh, not exactly. Like I’ve said, they’re not my favorite. BUT, there’s a whole slew of things I appreciate about growing up in a small town. So many blessings. To be cliche, the grass is NOT always greener on the other side, and I’ve learned that.
So, why did I want to leave so desperately?
PAIN
As much as I’ve learned to love my little town, there are some seriously painful memories for me here. There are things I didn’t want to just “move on” from, but things I wanted to forget ever happened. Things I wanted to flat out r u n a w a y from.
It’s really interesting, because I feel like there stereotypical Christian thing to say is “I just want to GO wherever God leads me. I don’t care if it’s Africa, or China, or Antarctica! I want to get outside my comfort zone and rely on God, following Him every step of the way.” Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders & all that jazz.
WHICH IS ALL GREAT AND TRUE. Please don’t throw tomatoes at me before I can finish my thought…
What I’m saying is, my heart desires the same thing. To step out of my comfort zone and follow Christ in a way that forces me to rely on His strength to get through every waking moment. When I’m comfortable, I start to forget that I need Him. And that’s bad.
But God showed me something incredible as the opportunity to begin my marriage and ministry in Botetourt began to present itself. He showed me that for ME, the most uncomfortable thing I could do was actually not to GO, but to STAY.
Stay in the place I wanted to escape from so badly. Stay in literally the last hometown on my list of ideals. If I wanted to do something radical for the cause of Christ like I so claimed, He challenged me, beckoned me, to stay.
Not everyone has understood this piece of the puzzle in my life situation. In fact, that’s part of what has made this transition for me so difficult. I’ve been hurt by the comments of people close to me who don’t get why living here is just as much MY calling as it is my husband’s.
“You’ve still got so much growing up left to do. You’ve never even left home.”
“One day you’ll see what it’s like out in the real world.”
“You’ve never been more than an hour away from your parents, so how can you understand what it’s like to feel alone?”
“Just wait till you move away from everything and everyone you’ve ever known, and then you’ll know what it’s like to be tested.”
The overwhelming hilarity to me about all these assumptions is the fact that picking up and moving halfway across the country (or better yet in my opinion, the world – HEYYYY GUATEMALA, I’m comin’ back for you baby!!) was exactly. what. I. wanted. (Key: what I wanted. Not what my Father wanted.)
But whew, when the Holy Spirit speaks, you learn to listen. And I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that He has called us to be here, in Botetourt County, of all places, to serve Him and make Him known.
God is GOOD ya’ll. I don’t have time to even begin writing about all the overwhelming confirmation that God has given ME personally that we are exactly where He’s planted us to be – through the truly beautiful, generous, supportive, wise, and caring people in our Fincastle Baptist Church family {WE LOVE YOU GUYS SO STINKIN’ MUCH IT’S CRAZY} – or through the way I watch Him use Jordan in individuals’ lives. He has affirmed my husband in the ways that stir his heart, but it’s incredible to me that God would take time to specifically show me, the pastor’s wife, His sovereignty and pieces of His plan. Those moments make all the difficult and strange memories worth it. I cannot describe to you how absolutely WIERD it is to be a leader of a youth group in the very same room that I was in youth group as a 6th grader, or to hold Bible Study in the same cafe that I took my senior prom photos with my ex-boyfriend, or to be so wildly insecure about that fact that some members of the church might remember my rougher life phases in the past and not take me seriously…but I can tell you that God has been working on me and growing me in crazy ways as I trust Him through all of that.
And I’m not doing it superbly yet. I’ll be honest, I’m still finding my way. I’m {trying to} open up and make new friends even though I’m really awkward and complicated sometimes. I’m figuring out more about my gifts and how to use those in ministry, and I’m healing from past hurts that I have to drive by on a weekly basis. I’m learning how to be an adult and a wife on my OWN…even if my parents do live 10 minutes down the road. (And boy, is it nice to know they are here to help! I’m so sad I ever wished that away!)
Most importantly, it’s been entirely a picture of His grace. And I’m so thankful.
Botetourt, you’re not too bad after all.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Ashley Setterlind is the wife of Jordan Setterlind, Worship Pastor at Fincastle Baptist Church in Fincastle, VA. You may read Ashley’s blog at www.ashleysetterlind.com.
