Melissa Small supports her husband, Rusty, in his ministry as a pastor at Liberty Baptist Church while raising her 2 boys, James and Thomas. She also serves as the women’s ministry leader and on the worship team at her church. She has a passion for women growing deeper in their knowledge of God’s Word and fostering a supportive Christian community among women. A doctorate in Education and Christian Leadership aids in accomplishing these goals through teaching, mentoring, and Bible study.
In the world of pastoral ministry, accessibility to a pastor isn’t always easy, and some congregants may hesitate to take up their time directly. As a result, feedback—whether compliments or concerns—can often be approached through their spouse. Ministry wives can find themselves in the role of a sounding board, being asked to pass along messages intended for their husbands as ministers (lead pastor, worship, children’s, youth, etc.).
Sometimes this comes in the form of a compliment: “Hey, when you see your husband, tell him I really enjoyed his sermon!”
But other times, ministry wives may receive more critical feedback or questions: “Why was this decision made?” “Will this be addressed again?”
These conversations can touch on ministry operations or even personal matters, making it important to have a mental and spiritual filter through which to process them. Preparing for these situations ahead of time can help avoid being caught off guard in moments or regretting words spoken too quickly.
Filter Conversations Through Scripture
The first and most important lens is to approach every conversation as a Christian woman rooted in God’s Word. Remember verses such as:
- Ephesians 4:29 – “Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
- Colossians 4:6 – “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”
Let these scriptures guide your tone and intent, aiming to speak in a way that brings edification and grace.
Support Your Husband as His Ambassador
As a ministry wife, you have the opportunity to be an ambassador for your church and your husband’s heart and vision. This doesn’t mean forcing agreement with every decision, but it can mean helping others understand the context in which those decisions are made. You may be able to:
- Educate others on the framework or process behind certain choices.
- Encourage people to bring their concerns directly to the appropriate leader or team.
- Help foster unity by being a calm and thoughtful bridge between members and leadership.
Rather than retreating from these conversations, you can use them to bring clarity and peace, and cultivate trust.
Romans 12:18 – “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Communicate Feedback Wisely
Some feedback may need to be passed along, while other comments may simply be noted and prayed over. When necessary, relay important messages to your husband so he can follow up or clarify directly. This helps establish:
- Unity within the church body.
- Closure in communication loops.
- Deeper fellowship through intentional follow-up.
The goal isn’t to act as a filter that closes the door to feedback, but rather as a channel that contributes to healthy communication within the church.
Proverbs 16:23: “The hearts of the wise make their mouths prudent, and their lips promote instruction.”
Cover Everything in Prayer
Not all conversations are resolved in one sitting. Sometimes people need space and time to process, and so do we. Prayer invites the Holy Spirit into these in-between moments. We cannot create unity of the Holy Spirit in a vacuum aside from God. Prayer brings peace and focus in the right places, rather than on our own agendas. Jesus led with this example in His prayer for unity to accomplish the purpose of glorifying the Father.
- John 17:20-23: “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one— I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.”
When viewing feedback with an open heart and mind, focused on God’s calling on your family and the church’s overall best interest, feedback can be navigated in a positive way and provide an opportunity for deeper growth and unity, rather than separation based on differing opinions, which will always be present by different backgrounds, personalities, passions, and interests.
