Dolly Mink: Years of experience in Christian leadership and service have given Dolly Mink a unique perspective, and she is eager to share her observations, insights, and words of encouragement to the women of Virginia. Dolly seeks to accomplish this through teaching, training, and writing. In addition to her role with the SBCV, she leads women’s Bible study at River Oak Church in Chesapeake, where she and her husband are members, and she writes short stories and blogs at 
By the time this blog posts, Lord willing, my husband and I will have been married for 40 years. Not that I say “Lord willing” in any ominous way, simply recognizing that we are not guaranteed another day or even another minute on this earth. Time, you see, is in God’s hands. (Psalm 31:15)
I realize that being married for 40 years is no small accomplishment, and it is something to be thankful for. While I absolutely acknowledge the grace of our good God as being the central factor in the success of our marriage, I would be wrong to overlook the effort necessary in building a strong marriage.
Here are a few suggestions, in addition to keeping Christ central, for women who want to strengthen their marriage and deepen their commitment to their husbands:
Pray for him. Aside from your relationship with the Lord, your relationship with your husband is the most important one in your life. As Christians, we are called to pray for one another (James 5:16-18; 1 Timothy 2:1-2). Wouldn’t it be reasonable, then, to consistently lift your husband up to the Lord, asking for God to guide him, strengthen him, and to show him favor? Watch God work in your husband’s life as you take time to pray for him.
Be present. I know it sounds trendy, but it’s important for your husband to know that you care about him, even in the midst of busy schedules and dirty diapers. Even if it’s just for a few minutes, when you do make time to be together, be there. Whenever possible, turn off the cell phone. Create a defined bedtime for the kids, and turn your thinking from work assignments and church functions to each other.
Be honest. If you’re stressed, tired, frustrated, and worn out, let him know. By holding all of that in, your emotions will eventually boil over and surface in a way that is ungodly. Instead, calmy share your burdens and pray for wisdom—together.
Love him. Do I really need to spell this out? Show your husband that you think he’s the very best man you know! Treat him the way you want him to treat you! Compliment him. Be kind to him. Be generous to him. Do nice things for him. Let him know that he’s “your favorite.” (Philippians 2:1-4) Edify him (Romans 14:19). Social media memes and comments degrading your husband (and also your children) are not bringing glory to God or thanking Him for the blessing of a family. You may get a laugh from the other side of the screen, but it’s at the expense of others and that is not of God. Build up your husband. Speak well of him and show him the respect you would like to be shown.
Be quick to forgive. While we’re all familiar with Romans 3:23, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” we need to quickly look to verse 24 as well: “they are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.”
We are forgiven by the blood of Christ, and we are to forgive one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ (Ephesians 4:32).
What seems like a big deal right now, really may not be in a few days, weeks, months, or years. Be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (James 1:19-20).
Let me be quick to add, sister, that God does not intend for you to remain in an unsafe relationship. If that is the case, the best thing you can do for yourself and any children is to seek safe shelter.
As you can imagine, after 40 years, I have a few more words I could say on the subject of marriage. But don’t let it come from me, rather, seek Him first and then you will learn all you need to know about a healthy, deep relationship– first with the Father, then with your husband, your children, and the people God places in your path. May God bless you as you strive to be the daughter and wife He designed you to be.
